Do long-distance relationships have a chance of success? Can they last long? How to maintain and preserve them correctly? The most important thing is how to determine when it’s time to get out of such a relationship? We will talk about all this with you today.
The 2020 pandemic has made adjustments in absolutely all areas of human life, and in relationships as well. Most couples were faced with the fact that they had to transfer communication online. Along with this, most of the love stories started just like that – from a distance.
Do I need to start a relationship at a distance?
If you are afraid of this format of relationships, then remember that all romantic-love relationships begin at a distance. Gone are the days when young people met at a wedding for the first time (and good!). No one starts a relationship by living together, except in extreme cases when it is necessary.
More and more often, acquaintance and the first meeting take place on the global network. Most of the initial stage of relations takes place online: recognizing each other, searching for any points of contact, building rules for communication and interaction, setting prohibitions.
Initially, a couple meets for intimate relationships on the territory of either someone and them, or in general on a neutral one. They met, had sex and ran away again to build relationships at a distance.
By and large, distant relationships are not that much different from the usual format. But it should be noted that there is one very large pitfall in communication at a distance – the effect of rose-colored glasses is very strong. After all, a person does not show himself true, demonstrates exclusively the best sides of his character.
The partner looks at him through the prism of “ostentatious” qualities, not realizing what he really is. At first, the effect is maintained artificially – well, I liked the girl, I want to recognize her further. It lasts depending on how likely you are to meet offline and how often you interact with her in the real field.
In all other respects, distant relationships also give a spectrum of a wide variety of emotions and feelings – happiness, delight, euphoria. Along with them – doubts, surprise, fears, sometimes even rage. It is because of these feelings that people have romantic relationships.
For a while you communicate with a girl, you like her, everything is fine in communication, but over time an important question arises – and then what?
Do I need to continue the distance relationship?
Doubts about whether to continue a relationship at a distance or not arise almost always. But you still need to know about those cases when it is in them that you still need to invest effort and time, and when not.
First of all, you should focus on your own feelings – are you comfortable? Keep in mind that we are not talking about that anxiety before a meeting or communication, when the relationship is only at the very beginning – people always tend to worry during this period.
Checklist for you
Ask yourself questions and answer them honestly before diving into a long-distance relationship:
Do you have a mutual initiative to communicate?
Are your interests and needs taken into account in the process of communication with a girl?
Do you often experience such emotions in dealing with a girl as fear, shame, awkwardness?
Does the girl respect your view of things, even if it is different from hers?
Are you forced to abandon your own plans for the sake of communicating with a kopeck piece, while she does not meet you halfway and does otherwise?
When communicating with your chosen one, do you feel comfortable?
You see the coincidence of her words and promises, can you trust her?
If you answered negatively to most of the questions, then such a relationship at a distance should not be continued – they will not develop into anything more. This is primarily due to the fact that your partner is not ready to sacrifice her time, habits, needs for the sake of finding balance in your relationship.
It is impossible to build harmony here, because the girl will always put you in the position of the giving side, and sooner or later you will explode in righteous anger.
Why meet online?
Online dating is a common thing today. Developers take into account the demand and create various applications, dating sites. For example, you met a girl on Badoo or Tinder. Before you plunge into a relationship with her, ask yourself – what is the purpose of dating?
If you are bored, you just want to correspond with at least someone, expand your circle of friends or have fun like that, then the task of getting to know a person better will never arise before you. What kind of long-term contacts can we talk about?
In this case, do not change the format of the relationship with your new girlfriend – even if it remains online from time to time. They will not bother you or the girl.
But if you are looking for a serious relationship and want to build it for a long time with family planning, then there will be moments that you should definitely pay attention to.
Increasingly, people enter online communication without the goal of translating it from a virtual format into a real one. Often they do not want to burden themselves with spending both money and time for a new acquaintance, but they definitely want to get benefits for themselves. For example, gifts, sexual satisfaction without obligation. There are girls who simply create for themselves the illusion of popularity of their own person and try to acquire as many contacts as possible. In any case, hoping for a serious relationship with such candidates is a waste of time. You can have fun, but not count on anything more.
There is a threat of getting stuck in a distant relationship with the person who is simply profiting from your gullibility. Alas. Communication in online services carries this risk. Of course, you shouldn’t scratch everyone with the same brush, but you don’t need to exclude such a possibility.
Checklist for you
To understand if you have fallen into such a trap, answer the following questions:
How often do you and your girlfriend use a real chance for offline meetings?
Is your contribution to the relationship with your friend equivalent to her contribution?
Can you refuse a girl to communicate on delicate topics, complex topics, if you feel uncomfortable? Refuse without fear of losing the relationship?
Does your acquaintance respect your unwillingness to meet for sex if you think that the moment for this has not come yet?
Do you feel pressure from your acquaintance, does she give you time to think about answers, are you free to communicate when you want?
Are most of the responses negative? Be careful, you are at risk.
Unproductive long distance relationships
Sometimes it happens that the remote format of relations is a necessary measure. For example, you and your girlfriend live in different countries or cities, you have different working conditions. You can understand that a distant relationship can be seen as promising from the following characteristics
Checklist for you
The girl feels the need to recognize you as a person, shows interest in your surroundings and activities.
If there is an opportunity to meet offline, the girl is always glad to her.
A friend shows respect for your needs, does not impose her opinion, allows you to have personal space.
She is ready to be close to you in times of difficult situations. You are sure that she will not leave and will not go looking for a new one.
If a conflict situation is brewing in communication, she tries to find common ground, and does not inflate a scandal.
Did you answer yes to all of the questions or some of them? Excellent! This means that we can think about how to develop and strengthen them.
How to maintain a long distance relationship?
Let us tell you right away – this is an extremely difficult task. It is imperative that partners see the prospect of a relationship – if for a life together, then at least – regular meetings. It is extremely important for a couple to make common plans, have common goals.
If a distant relationship lacks an element of hope of being together, it quickly dries up. It is impossible to imagine a long-term relationship at a distance if the couple does not live together or see each other from time to time.
Try to discuss your plans with the girl, look for any moments in which you can intersect. Use every opportunity to hold her hand, kiss her, make a gift. If you do not belong to the category of people who try to live apart, and meet with girls as needed, then build a strategy for rapprochement.
How not to be tempted to cheat?
The first and main problem in long-distance relationships is trust. Being many kilometers away from each other, it is very difficult to be sure of his honesty and decency.
If you or your girlfriend have doubts about fidelity, then agree to be as available as possible throughout the day. Talk about where you were, what you did, who you saw. Dedicate each other to plans for a month or at least a week.
Jealous natures react sharply to the absence of a response from a partner at the same moment. But learn to restrain yourself, take into account the fact that a force majeure situation may arise (the phone is broken, the lights are turned off, the Internet is turned off).
If something like this happens to you, try to find a way to communicate the problem to the girl. Show patience, and start to beat the alarm after numerous refusals to communicate.
Long distance relationships are a complex process that involves two people. Before you flare up, say a taunt – put yourself in the place of another person. Try to diversify communication, make small but pleasant surprises and then you will succeed.