How to Talk About an Ex

And is it worth it at all?

Talk about the former, sooner or later, treacherously rises inside a new relationship. Avoiding at least basic questions about previous relationships and partners is virtually impossible, it’s like a medical history for a doctor or a credit history for a bank. Based on the data obtained, one can predict how the relationship will develop, or even understand the reasons for the relationship formed.

In any case, expect to have to speak. Further, the strategies differ: someone focuses on total denial, and someone decides to be as honest and sincere as possible (and just blurts out too much).

In order not to fail during a dangerous mission, keep in mind the simple rules for talking about ex-lovers:

Calmness

Remember that the conversation will start anyway. Therefore, do not panic and act like a child caught with sweets in his pockets at the exit of the supermarket. Everyone already understands that you have a past, the main thing is to present it in the most restrained way. Do not move on to long outpourings of a torn soul, angry insults or vanilla sentiment. The maximum of what is worth telling: the duration of the relationship, what progress was made in them and why the separation happened.

A spoon of tar

There can be an infinite number of reasons why there was a discord in a previous relationship in your head (especially when the offense has not yet let go). There is no need to list them all in a strictly ranked order. Decide on the main point and present it with extreme elegance. Sometimes a simple “not getting along” may be enough in the early stages, and if the relationship develops promisingly, then it will not be too late to reveal some details.

Honey spoon

To paint all the phenomenal personal qualities of the previous partner is a road to nowhere. Perhaps you really liked too much in the past relationship, but do not run into the logical question: “Why did you break up then?”. That will either drive you into a corner, forcing you to lay out extremely unpleasant details of the breakup, or make the new partner feel constantly threatened by the fantastic previous one.

If there’s something left

Even if the separation brought you a life-giving sense of liberation, there could be threads that could not be broken: children, a common place of work, a large group of friends, property issues, and so on. In this case, it is worth starting such a conversation on your own in order to indicate in advance the presence of the recent past in your happy present. But do not rush after the story to introduce everyone and arrange joint dinners. Keep a healthy distance from the ghost from the past, don’t let it (unintentionally) blight the newcomer in your life.

Mistakes and mistrust

Projecting past relationships onto current ones can be done in different ways. Starting a new story with wariness, prejudice, and a constant search for dirty tricks is the freedom to let bad experience into where everything is still being built. It is better to work on your own mistakes, which are still possible to correct. In the story about the previous partner, do not forget to mention that you yourself were not a gift, but now everything is different – a blank sheet that you can fill out much more successfully.