Everyone needs to know the secrets of communication. Having learned to have an interlocutor towards yourself, it is much easier to build strong trusting relationships, get the necessary information and achieve goals. We will tell you how to get anyone talking, even the most reserved person.
In life, we have to communicate with different people. Some are more sociable and carry on the conversation themselves. And it’s harder to communicate with others. The conversation does not stick, it takes more time to establish contact. In this article, we have collected the best advice from psychologists: how to communicate, establish trust and make only a pleasant impression on the interlocutors.
Tell us about yourself
If you get monosyllabic closed-ended answers, don’t bombard the person with new questions, but start with yourself. Tell us something about yourself or on any abstract topic, share your thoughts or observations. So it will be easier for your interlocutor to catch on to something and start talking.
Ask an interesting question
To make the interlocutor look at the subject of discussion in a different way, ask him a question that he does not expect to hear. The person will probably be surprised that you thought about it or paid attention to this detail. This will provide more ground for dialogue. For example, if the discussion of work issues is deadlocked, ask the other person about anything other than work. Or ask a more focused question. You can also ask about minor details that are usually not paid attention to: how this or that device works, why it is customary to do it this way, where the name came from, and so on.
While listening to the answer, focus on the interlocutor. Look at him, and do not wander around. You don’t need to look directly into the eyes, but try to make the person see that you are really listening. Smile encouragingly, nod, and use words like “sure”, “yeah”, “yes.”
Show genuine interest
Show your opponent how interested you are in what he says. Flatter his self-esteem and tell him that it was very interesting for you to listen. That this is very important information and he presented it in a clear and detailed manner. Note that I am very glad to talk to such an interesting person. You can even add that your acquaintances would envy, knowing that you had such an opportunity. Or speak in the spirit: “Your loved ones are definitely proud of you, because you …”. But try not to overplay, the falsity is easy to see through.
Ask for a detailed explanation
If a person understands something better than you, do not close the topic from the position that you do not understand anything about it. Try, on the contrary, to open it, ask for an explanation. And then note that now, thanks to him, you figured out this topic. Ask a couple of clarifying questions or ask to repeat what was said to be sure to remember. You can even write down a couple of theses of the interlocutor, showing him maximum interest.
Each interlocutor needs his own approach. Therefore, try to talk to the new person differently from the way you used to. And as it seems to you, he wants to be spoken to. To do this, find out in advance something about this person, how she lives, what is important to her. Choose a different tone and style of communication, use different words and phrases, be more assertive or, conversely, give the initiative to your opponent.
Try to understand other people’s emotions
If you think the person is nervous or annoyed, tell me about it. But put it mildly, with an interrogative intonation: “It seems to me, or does it bother you? Perhaps I made you angry with this? You seem to be confused. This is true?”. Then it will be easier for the interlocutor to explain what he is really experiencing.
This is especially important if you are experiencing negative emotions. When a story only evokes positive thoughts in you, it will not be difficult for you to show them. But you don’t need to hide the negative either. The main thing is not to go on the offensive, but to continue to speak out in a positive way, describing your experiences as observations: “It seems to me, despite the fact that the topic is very interesting, this question saddens me. I feel the need to argue. “
You don’t have to try to make the best impression throughout the conversation. Let the other person try to impress you too. Most likely, you will be able to correctly play on self-esteem and interest him. In a humorous manner, ask the person to show their best sides, to tell something very funny or interesting, to demonstrate a sense of humor or erudition: “But I heard that you all know about this. Is it really so? I do not believe! Tell us! ” or something like that.
Be on the side of the interlocutor
In order not to offend a person with a harsh statement or unpleasant information, you can refer to other people: “I’m sorry, but I was asked to convey … I would not want to discuss this, but I promised to find out … Surely you are often asked tactless questions about this … I am so outraged what they say about you … “. When you seem to convey other people’s words, you take the side of the person. And he wants to be offended less. On the contrary, it is easier to trust you and express your sincere opinion about an unpleasant question.