And in the normal course of life, you need to work on relationships. And now – even more so. Due to the pandemic, millions of families around the world have been trapped in their homes and apartments. How not to quarrel if you are together all the time? We will talk about this.
Isolation with loved ones is, it would seem, much better than alone. However, due to the need to be in a confined space 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the nerves are heated. The number of quarrels and scandals is growing inexorably. We have collected general recommendations that will help maintain a harmonious relationship with joint isolation of any length.
These tips will come in handy for couples who have normal partnerships in general. And between whom there are no deep disagreements, hidden grievances, psychological or physical violence. If your family has had problems more serious than quarantine for a long time, it is always better to start solving them with an appeal to a psychologist. Even now you can take
online consultation or make an appointment for the future.
Why we fail and how to avoid it
We think you are familiar with the concept of “personal boundaries”. Everyone has them. But when you live in a society, the boundaries cannot be too narrow. They flexibly adapt to the environment where we spend the most time, and the family is one of them. The closer another person is to us, the wider we open boundaries for him. But there are still limits, the crossing of which causes discomfort.
If the boundaries in a pair are initially built correctly, then maintaining them is not difficult even in a stressful situation. And if compromise is needed, people will easily push their personal limits.
Broader boundaries help us feel secure. Near relatives, you can allow yourself to show weakness, any emotions, including negative ones. That is why most of the victims of our breakdowns are those closest to us. Since now everyone has become more nervous, there are more quarrels about little things.
And no, there is no need to hide emotions and experiences. On the contrary, they must be exercised. But exercise is correct. So as not to touch other people’s boundaries. And the simplest way was and remains open conversation. It is the conversations that help build adequate boundaries. With the help of them, you can delicately stop loved ones if they cross the line.
Tips for harmonious relationships
1. Talk and listen
If you do not express discontent and complaints for a long time, they accumulate, and then the flow of negativity cannot be stopped. Therefore, learn to speak out any problems and inspire your household to do so. Discuss your fears, doubts, and worries. Share your thoughts and expectations for the future.
To make the conversation easy and fruitful, follow a few rules:
agree in advance when it will be more convenient for you to discuss everything. Everyone should be in good spirits, calm, attentive and involved;
prepare topics for discussion. You can even write down on a piece of paper all the questions that are of concern at the moment;
do not interrupt each other;
avoid harsh judgments and statements, especially on emotions;
use “I-phrases”: say not “You don’t understand me”, but “I feel misunderstood”;
“Bring back the meaning” of what was said: after having listened to the thoughts of another person, repeat everything in your own words, start with “I understood that you …” – this method helps to feel each other’s emotions;
Express your disagreement, but calmly and constructively.
After the conversation, identify each other’s basic needs and how to meet them. Here, too, it will not be superfluous to paint each point in detail: what is most important for everyone, which frames cannot be crossed, and which ones – according to the circumstances. It could be an electronic list, a handwritten list, a poster, even your family’s whole comic “rulebook”.
These rules cannot be broken, but you can discuss them, modify them, make changes – only together. During quarantine, keep them in a visible place and re-read when “passions” run high.
2. Make a convenient daily routine
While you are doing everything within four walls, you need to plan your day so that no one interferes with anyone. Determine what tasks are taking how much time from whom. And make individual schedules to make everyone feel comfortable.
3. Making time for yourself
Both you and your household should have inviolable personal time. Only for yourself, your hobbies and interests. In order to maintain peace of mind during a stressful period, it is very important to be at least a little by yourself and your thoughts during the day. This time can be scheduled or assigned as needed. Try not to encroach on the space of your loved ones, and they will answer you in kind.
4. Making time for two
For those who are stuck in isolation together, it is somewhat easier. But, if you live with children or older relatives, you need to find the right balance. Spend enough time together. But it is also necessary to regularly highlight periods when you will only be together with your soul mate.
For children in general, it is very useful to observe healthy parental relationships, without quarrels and claims over trifles. Therefore, it is doubly important to remain calm and follow your home rulebook. Instill in the child the awareness that adults have the right to privacy and privacy. And also to give such an opportunity to him.
5. Organize the work well
When you continue to work remotely, you need a comfortable workplace and complete silence. The same goes for your partner. Even the smallest apartment can be organized so that everyone has their own personal zone. It needs to be equipped with maximum comfort. If you can interfere with each other, sync the schedules to avoid this. Also try to separate the work area from the recreation and entertainment areas. To work more efficiently, set clear deadlines and do not be distracted by household chores. It is also important that you do not bother each other during office hours unless you really need to.
6. Periodically release steam
The tense situation in society and sad news will escalate for a long time. Therefore, it is important to find a suitable way to get rid of negative emotions. Together or each alone, let off steam from time to time. Don’t distract or judge each other. After all, you just need to dump the negative in order not to go crazy and interact normally. Something active, for example, sports, dancing, helps. But you can choose any option that will help: hammer in nails, play games, sing, shout, just complain about everything that happens in an obscene manner. Determine the time and place appropriate for the strong expression of emotion. And leave all the bad in this moment in order to return to your usual routine with a calm soul.
7. Keep talking
Even if, according to the list of rules and the schedule, both are satisfied with everything, some minor disagreements or anxieties can periodically arise and spoil the relationship. Don’t be silent if something bothers you. Share your emotions with your significant other, offer your ideas and don’t be shy to ask for a little more personal space. Also, be attentive to your partner’s requests. Together you can find solutions to any problems or just calm each other down.
What if nothing works?
All people are different. Everyone has their own habits, experience, adaptability to change, reaction to stress. And only one of these tips might work for your couple. Or none of them will work. But that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Other methods are simply needed. However, the main conditions remain the same: both of you must be interested in the process. Open to dialogue and ready for change. It is cooperation and mutual understanding that will ensure an effective result: good partnerships, peace of mind at home and individual comfort of each family member.
Joint isolation is the perfect opportunity to take a fresh look at relationships within a couple. You will be able to find all the sharp edges and potential problems. And there will be enough time to work through them and find a compromise solution. Most importantly, do not forget about the importance of your own and others’ personal boundaries, the effectiveness of frank conversations. And, of course, about love and mutual respect.